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Love or attraction?

 I  was talking to someone about attraction. I was tring to find the difference between love and attraction – and when it’s all attraction how well can  you control it. How strong are you to take control. Do you really take control or do you simply throw away your one chance in this life to find true love, true happiness? 

It all started on the night before New years’s Eve. We were all invited to attend the big party and this one was especially organized so that we get to know each other and have real fun on the big night. In a room full of handsome men and beautiful women – I could have been attracted by all of them. They were all great looking, smartly dressed, successful, intelligent, really sexy etc.  One may be incredibly hot, you can’t help but accept he is the best looking male in the room, other is the most successful business man and any woman in the world would be delighted to be with him…. And yet neither of the two attracts you. Neither of them all actually. The party goes on, glass after glass of  wine work upon your mask and – at one certain point- you just threw it away and the real  YOU  burst out, giving you courage to act.  You simply get up and find yourself going straight to a certain man who sits alone at the table, having fun just by watching the others dance the night away. He wasn’t alone when he came  but his girlfriend – or wife?-  just left, leaving him there watching the others have fun.
 

Was it love or was it attraction? What is the difference between them? Can you actually decide to whom should you be attracted to? Definitely not.  I tryed to  analyze the concept of attraction at that party preceding New Years Eve. I decided to study how I felt when I was dancing , I passed through the room, passed by all the persons, males or females and analyze how I felt when I got closer to each and everyone of them. And only that certain one male made my blood boil and the heart beat faster. All the others made me feel nothing but some kind of sympathy. Something about that one male made me make an effort to pretend he is not there and I am not particularly interested in him.
  

That night  was especially  organized to get aquinted to each other – so that the New Years Eve to be a very successful party. I had a great time   we all danced, we laughed , we watched a firecamp and had boiled wine . And exactly when the party was about to be over I found myself getting up and go straight to the one I wanted to dance all night but I couldn’t because he  had company. He was finally alone now. (My God, now I see!  I had been  just like a tiger , waiting for the proper moment to attack!!!) The wine gave me the courage, the wine made the real ME burst out . I invited him to dance with me and he accepted with a smile. I pleasantly surprised him. It was supposed to be just one dance – but it continued  - song, after song, after song…
 

I don’t remember exactly how the party ended. Just flashes …the last one being one picture of me at one of those big windows of the party room , alone, the last party dancer resting in a chair at the window,  watching the firecamp outside still burning. One glass of wine in my hand and many, many tears flowing peacefully from my eyes…
  

On the big night, the new Years Eve  I pretended I forgot everything. I felt it was the right way to act to avoid embarrassing moments. The other night was just a party like so many others before in my life, right? It had to be. I entered that big and gloriously decorated room and went straight to my place, straight to  the opposite side of the room, (close to that big window I stood by the other night ,crying…)acting sober, neutral, like nothing happened , like anything else may happen and everybody interests me equally. I was relaxed, I was smiling, I was ready to have fun and spend the night living it at its fullest and have the time of my life.
  But something in me was aking . I was changed inside and I was making efforts to be ignorant of this change in my heart. I was avoiding to look at that special person that burnt  my heart the other night – I was somehow afraid that it meant nothing to him and I was just like everybody else in the room. It was just one dance after all – even if we forgot to stop when the song ended and just keep dancing song, after song, after song… I don’t rememeber what we talked about, I don’t remember exactly what made me cry … I just remember we danced. And I felt I could dance for ever with this man, and this man only.  

I shivered and became nervous. Like so many other times in my life I was the only one who could put myself together: “Maria, be serious! It was nothing! Just one dance for God sake! What’s wrong with You?!” I told myself that I make too much of nothing and what I feel is a childlike weakness of not having the toy I wanted  at my disposal. A simple dance will not make me the centre of the Universe for anyone. Yes. That’s the answer of an unasked question.
 

And yet … I needed to know . Was I just like everybody else in this room here for him? Cause if it were so, I could finally relax and let everything go. I had to know. And turned to the opposite side of the room,  giving “him” a quick look over my shoulder. 
 

His  answer was as strong as a thunderstruck: he caught my look at once and seemed  to say to me clearly with an intense look :”I’m here. And I didn’t forget…”
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Maria Magdalena Danaila (29.01.2013, 11:33)
Multumesc, Mihaela Neacsu - nu stiu daca e neaparat o nevoie de a fi "la moda" - am fost de mica pasionata de tot ce tine de Vestul Salbatic, indieni, cowboys - de aceea si abordez frecvent repertoriul country - si nu la modul "folk- country" - ci un country care ma poate aduce pe aceeasi scena cu Shania Twain fara sa ma fac de ras. Am studiat din clasa a cincea limba engleza - de la jumatatea primului trimestru stiam deja tot manualul pe de rost - mi-ar fi placut sa devin profesoara de engleza - dar uite ca soarta m-a adus pe scena - desi nu celebritatea a fost in vizorul meu - ci libertatea de a visa linistita, fara sa fiu in permanenta in vizorul presei :)
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Mihaela Neacsu (29.01.2013, 08:19)
Limba engleza si mie imi place extraordinar de mult,are o eleganta desavarsita.Sunt indragostita de ea de la varsta de 5 ani cand m-am rugat de bunicul sa ma invete si pe mine.Imi cer scuze,daca poate total nevoit, a parut a fi un repros(nici n-as avea dreptul sa ti-l fac).Sti tu Maria,poate este doar o razvratire a mea pentru ca intr-o vreme ne frantuzeam pana la ridicol (ex.Chirita),in alte vremuri era un imperativ sa sti ruseste iar acum ni se pare ca nu prea mai gasim cuvinte romanesti potrivite,asa ca bagam la greu din cele englezesti. Eu o sa te citesc mereu, cu acelasi interes si in engleza si in romana.
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Maria Magdalena Danaila (28.01.2013, 17:03)
Ai dreptate - in fine, recunosc ca ma simt bine sa ma exprim in engleza uneori. Imi place limba asta si imi place si sa scriu , si sa cant in engleza ... si nu imi place sa fac retroversiunile variantelor gandite direct in engleza. Asta nu ma face mai putin romanca sper.
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Mihaela Neacsu (28.01.2013, 03:44)
Crezi tu ca nu suntem destul de europeni daca nu stim engleza? Cand am fost in Germania am obosit cautand pe cineva sa stie engleza, si asta nu le stirbeste cu absolut nimic identitatea nationala,romanii de ce trebuie sa faca asta? Nu cred ca este nevoie sa dovedim nimic nimanui,cine ne vrea, ne vrea si ...in limba romana.Chiar asa daca stau sa ma gandesc cati dintre prietenii mei de pe facebook sau tweeter (francezi,italieni,englezi)incearca sa -mi spuna macar buna ziua pe romaneste?Nobody!
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Maria Magdalena Danaila (26.01.2013, 09:25)
Men get scared in situations like these -I think. And women ... too emotional , maybe. It's best to keep that memory in a magic place in your heart and feed your imagination every once in a while. Thank you for your comment :)
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lief (25.01.2013, 19:26)
A quite similar situation happend to me...but sadly he didn''t reply as the guy in your story above....even now after so many years I don''t seem to grasp what happend that night...it was like we were soulmates...like we knew each others deepest thoughts and desires...Anyway, bygones are bygones.I just wanted to say your story gave me schivers.Great way of describing such an emotional encounter.Congrats""
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Maria Magdalena Danaila (22.01.2013, 14:48)
Am scris direct in engleza - asa, ca sa se vada ca suntem stat european :))) - dar si pentru prietenii de pe Tweeter, Facebook ... poate fi un "branci" pentru cei ce nu stapanesc prea bine engleza - dar am sa-i fac si o traducere.
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Mihaela Neacsu (22.01.2013, 08:20)
Ai si o varianta in limba romana?Sunt si persoane care nu stiu sau stapanesc prea putin limba engleza si care poate si-ar dori sa te citeasca,ca e fain ce-ai scris!
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